Do you know what one the most dangerous things in the world is? I think it’s to love someone who doesn’t love you back.
You feel so much joy and compassion, especially when you think of your love, and in return you get moments. Some of the moments you can hold to your heart knowing that this is the closest you will get to this person. Other times you wake up with your heart pounding feeling incredibly lonely and foolish.
You can’t force someone to love you who doesn’t, but you can show them you love them or tell them. It usually won’t change the outcome of the situation which has likely been pre determined before you ever even met the person.
When I was younger I watched the TV show Clueless. One of the lines in the opening song was ‘she wears her heart on her sleeve and she’d give it to you in a second.’ This probably wasn’t the show I was meant to get my dating advice for the future from, but the line has always stuck with me and as I’ve gotten older, I believe it is important more and more.
If you hide your feelings and are trying to protect yourself then you will never know how the other person feels. You’ll never get to experience the pure emotion, unhindered by expectations and projections. Even if the other person doesn’t feel the same, shouldn’t you have the pleasure of experiencing the love yourself? I try and make myself an open book and often that scares people, especially my romantic partners, but I would rather have that experience and share those feelings than not.
In my favorite poem ‘The Lesson of the Moth,’ the moth is having a conversation with a cockroach about why moths are attracted to fire, which will eventually incinerate them. The moth explains, ‘it is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty than to live a long time and be bored all the while.’
The cockroach then explains why he is a bit more pragmatic, but I don’t disagree with the moth, especially when it comes to love.
When you approach things from love whether romantic or not, it changes everything.
I got kinda dumped the other day, and I say kinda cause we only kinda dated for over the past nine months, it’s complicated, but what in life isn’t? Before we had the inevitable conversation some of my friends seemed concerned about what I would say and how I would react and I’m sure that the person I was speaking to was also really scared, but for me it was never going to be an angry conversation. I wanted them to leave it knowing how much I cared about them. I didn’t want there to be drama, I just wanted him to feel good about the time we spent together and not see it end in a dramatic heart breaking way, even if it felt like my heart was breaking.
I don’t have any regrets about loving him, even though from the start it was pretty clear he wouldn’t be able to show me that love as well. In fact if anything, I wish I had the balls to express it earlier on. It might have ended sooner had I done that, but I could have been more honest about how I feel and had the chance to be in that space of love sooner.
And that’s really what it comes down to, that when you love someone you create that loving energy and it inspires and uplifts you in all areas of your life. It’s a beautiful creative force that drives you to do amazing things. And we try to harness it and control it, beat it down and drag it back in to the depths of our hearts. We are embarrassed and intimidated by it. It’s cliche and ‘too much’ and all the while not enough.
Love is so powerful and so necessary in the world we currently live in, that if we can’t approach our romantic partners with this love than how will we ever be able to love the people we aren’t close to? How will we show compassion when someone with a mental health problem yells at us on the street? What’s out first thought when we get cut off when we’re driving? How will we react when we learn about the next bombing in Syria? The world needs more love and it needs more people to express it.