Have you ever sought advice and had a million different opinions of what you should do?
For a long time I’ve asked for guidance form my friends in regards to dating and life in general. Everyone always has a different opinion. Even if one group of friends thinks one thing, another will believe something contrary.
I recently took it to the next level and talked to a psychic because I wanted to know if I’d ever end up in love, I wanted a quick fix. I thought if there was any validity to the process that it would help shed light on what was meant to be. I wasn’t very receptive to what she had to say. She told me a happily ever after tale that left me feeling unimpressed – despite ultimately answering my burning question.
I understand that these things could be related to what you manifest. If you really believe you’re going to meet the love of your life in a few months, chances are your attitude will show it and you’ll be more inviting and open to new people.
The thing is that four days before I spoke to her I considered the possibility of moving to Canada for a person I’d known for a week.
To be fair to myself I wasn’t planning to completely abandon ship, just visit to see if it could work.
When my mini love affair ended I was told it was for the best because I wouldn’t want to go to Canada anyway. Too cold.
I’ve been told he was damaged and it wouldn’t work.
I’ve been told that it was just an unrealistic possibility and I should be grateful for the experience.
I really honestly appreciate all the advice and love my friends consistently offer as I traverse the dating world, but this time something feels different.
I’m not the kind of person to consider moving internationally for anyone. I’m also not someone, I thought, who would ever live outside Sydney (disclaimer: again), but all that changed in just a few days.
Now, people tell me this is great and I’m open for the next person, but there’s really nothing worse than people telling you they have your situation completely figured out. I don’t think we should all walk around blind to reality, but I’m also not someone who can pave over sadness with happiness without a second thought.
I’ve been feeling lately that something has to give. I feel unsettled in all areas of my existence. I’m unsure about my career choices, my ability as a yoga teacher, my aptitude as a friend and my deepest most crushing one – am I loveable?
My life is pretty privileged. I can live in a studio apartment, I can afford nice food and eating out, I’m even fortunate enough to have disposable income to fly home whenever I need…but when it comes to what’s happening on the inside, it’s a whole other story.
I question people’s reactions…including my own…around my recent experience because how I felt was not a way I felt before and what I was willing to do, was not something I would have considered, ever.
Those things, while uncharacteristic of me, were real. I can’t just let that go, no matter how much I try and sit with the sadness and loneliness left afterwards, I feel as though it has brought something so much bigger to my attention.
Its this feeling of being unsettled and ready for a change, but there is no clear direction of where that change will be / should be.
For the past year since I’ve come back from India, where I did my yoga teacher training, I’ve felt this way, unsure about everything. When I met this person I didn’t feel that anymore, I was sure.
Now I’m left wondering if I am better off and if Canada wasn’t my exit plan from this current state of uncertainty, what is?
Part of me believes that my yoga practice, meditation and self reflection are the best tools to get through, but I also don’t want to deny that anxiety can happen and when we have a tendency towards it, it may come up even stronger during difficult periods.
I want to keep believing that anything is possible, I don’t want to resign myself to a story that fits in with all the other story boards. We really never know what will happen.
No matter how many psychics we speak to or stories we hear, our lives are created day by day by the actions we take and the words we speak. So I’m hoping that even if my life is full of anxiety, my daily actions and words are helping to lead me to a place where I’m able to be sure again.